This week I was pushed out of my usual comfort zone. I had to ask for help 4 different times. I pride myself on being low maintenance and self sufficient. Both being the things that got my needs met as a child. I denied and pushed away that little girl that truly needed help and support because if I didn’t need it I was “a good girl.”
That morning when I got up I heard nosies . It sounded like there was someone or something in the house. Almost like foot steps running up the stairs. Not going to lie I was terrified. In the past I would have just been sacred and got ready quickly and ran out of the house.
Instead I woke up my boyfriend and made him check every room and go up into the attic. He sat in my office with me while I got ready for my day. I felt so safe.
I went to leave and my car wouldn’t start. In the past I would have just called a cab or gotten a Uber. I have taken a unnecessary long and expensive trips because I didn’t want to come off as needy or ask for help. Growing up I had to figure things out on my own.
Instead I went and got my boyfriend back out of bed to help me. I hooked up the jumper cables and wait almost 20 minutes and nothing. I was stressed because I was scared I was going to be late. So I had to ask him to drive me 45 minutes to work. Then after jiggling the cables my car started. With a great relief I was able to make it on time. I scurried out of the door and was on my way.
I looked at the gas gage and noticed that I only had 15 miles until empty. I stopped and went into my back pack to find my wallet. I had left it at work that was 20 miles away. My house was 16 miles away. I was stuck. So I rummaged through my car and found 97 cents. What was I going to do? Call my boyfriend to come and get me? Ask a stranger for some kindness?
I chose to step out of my comfort zone and ask a complete stranger for help. I saw a young woman and asked, “Hello, Is it possible for me to venmo or paypal you some money exchange for 5 dollars cash?” She looked wildly at me and said, “No.”
So, I went inside with my 97 cents and approached the cashier. I said, “Hello.” Then asked politely again, “Do you possibly have Venmo or Paypal?” “Can I send you 20$ for 5$ cash?” She looked and me and said, “I got you.” She pulled out 5$ and put it on pump 7 for me. She told me not to worry about venmo or paypal. I was to grateful. I left the store skipping and feeling good. I got my gas and continued to work.
It took me hours to realize what happened that morning., Around lunch time it dawned on me that I allowed myself to have needs and ask for help. Asking for help from someone was a rarity and asking a stranger was a never. I only asked for help if I had earned the right to ask. Like I had given a favor first. I had changed a pattern. It felt amazing to finally not be powerless, scared and helpless. I NEVER though it was possible.
It only happened because I did a deep dive into myself and found the root of why I was like this. For me it was unresolved childhood trauma. I went into that painful trauma and created resolve so I wasn’t stuck in that pattern that continued to play out in all aspects of my life.
If you struggle with asking for help for even basic needs like me and want to change this pattern send me a message. I can help you. You deserve to get your needs met. You deserve to be whole again. Together lets dive deep into your past and find that root and create resolve. All you have to do is take that first step
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